We submitted our second Motion to Dismiss due to a Government witness lying to the Grand Jury. DENIED.
The reason we were denied was that it was so difficult to separate the lies from the rest of the testimony and one person’s testimony from others. I was told that for the most part, Scott, the Government witness that lied, had mostly told the truth. My confidence in this process waned greatly. First, the fact that Scott told the truth about most things does not equate to being truthful about the relevant, important facts. Second, having a convicted liar’s testimony being used at all should not be allowed. It undermines the integrity of the process. Third, how would anyone but the Grand Jurors know what and who persuaded them to make a decision to indict? There seemed no way within our criminal justice process to straighten the path on this situation.
It was still early in the case and I started to wonder if/how many more Motions to Dismiss or other complications would happen. I wondered even more…. what I did not know. What questions did we not know to ask and if/when we found out, would it be too late? I was learning as fast as I could, but I knew I was the little boat bobbing on a tidal wave.
Every day I felt the pressure to learn at a higher and higher level, separate the truly most important issues, and communicate with as much precision as I could muster. I would find some nugget of great information and that it proved “something” and show my attorney, Dan. He would knock it down. Proof needed to be extraordinary, even though I didn’t need to prove my innocence. The Government needed to prove my guilt. That sounds good in theory, but it’s not reality. It’s not the way my case played out.
We weren’t sitting back hoping that the Government didn’t prove me guilty. That was just not our approach. I doubt it is the approach of any innocent defendant.
It’s exhausting putting together two Motions to Dismiss and getting denied. You feel defeated and the trial hasn’t started. It feels like the objective is this unspoken mission to wear you down. You keep trying. You keep getting denied. Wash, rinse, repeat. I didn’t want to get warn down, so I thought about how to prevent it knowing that I could to succumb to it if I didn’t take deliberate action.
One of the main things I did was keep toxic people away from me and take care of my physical, emotional and mental health. I couldn’t be the best defendant if I wasn’t the best person I could be. I had to give it my best shot. Sleeping well, eating well, and getting some exercise. Making time to just sit and think so that I didn’t get caught up in the moment or let emotions decide far-reaching consequences. These were good things for anyone to do. I felt they could make or break the case so the stakes were high.
My community was for the most part left in the dust at this time. I was an involuntary law student trapped in my first real case, my case. I could barely explain to anyone what I barely knew myself. Time was flying by with little opportunity to see or do anything that wasn’t absolutely important. I am not being dramatic when I say that every day presented its share of challenges and opportunities, but it was a lonely place. A place where if you weren’t a criminal defense attorney I didn’t have much to say for long.
I wasn’t good company for anyone interested in leading a “normal” life. There are some friends that I met years after the case and they wanted to know the punch line for the case. ….how did it work out? They were nice people who didn’t want to get in my way while the case was going on and saw that I was running a mile a minute. I had to respect them for that. I wanted them to live a good life regardless of my involvement and still it was nice when we found our way back to each other. I think we both knew there were no words for what really happened, but the fact that they saw me and I was smiling told them what they wanted to know.
Why do you really lose touch with people that you say you care about?